A "new trend" in dating is apparently on the rise: "The stay-over relationship". Men & women pack up their bag and "move in" with their date ("partner") for two or three days, at times alternating between one place to the other. They prefer this "life-style" on moving-in together.
Why?
The reasons might be many and varied from one individual to another:
* Some say that "the stay-over" relationship is an indication of unwillingness to commit.
* Others believe it is a "temporary" stage in one's life while searching for "the ideal partner".
* Yet others think it is a way to "experiment" with love, sex and intimacy while busy with work and/or education.
Regardless of the reason, the main question is: do those practicing the "stay-over relationship" utilize this phase in their life to get to know themselves better, to get a hold of what's really important for them in a relationship, and prepare themselves to have a satisfying and successful intimacy when and if they will decide to stay with one person under the same roof?
Why have you chosen to practice "stay-over relationships"?
It is customary in today's society to do whatever everybody else is doing (and not do what others don't). We all have the need to "belong", to be "part of". If all our friends buy the latest iPod or the latest mobile wallet we "should" too. If everybody has close to 5000 friends on Facebook, we "should" too. And if the new trend is "stay-over relationships" - shouldn't we be part of it?
Since it is now a trend, you might feel you should practice it whether if fits your currents needs or not and whether it coincides with your attitudes and perception about relationships or not.
"Stay-over relationships" might exacerbate personal issues
While the "stay-over relationships" can be good for one partner, they might be difficult for the other. For example, such arrangement fits those driven by the Fear of Commitment: it enables them to not confront their fear but rather use this stay-over to escape their fear: They have a relationship but at the same time feel that they are free.
Not only that: often those driven by Fear of Commitment are also driven by Fear of Being Alone. Therefore, on the surface, the "stay-over relationship" enables them the better of two worlds: not being alone while, at the same time, not feeling they are committed!
As much as such an arrangement might work to the "advantage" of those with the Fear of Commitment, it might work to the disadvantage of those driven by the Fear of Rejection and/or by dependency issues: each "separation" - and be it only for the next day or two - might trigger in them, once again, the fear of abandonment and might make them even more dependent on their partner.
(Note: The above is only an example. Different people bring to the "stay-over relationship" their own personal issues, at times without even being aware of their own fears and needs).
Unless the "stay-over relationship" has been mutually agreed upon by both partners (and both are truly interested in such an arrangement) and unless it is satisfying to both, it might trigger incessant conflicts, arguments, bitterness and anger. One partner, for example, might always want more "space" while the other might be "desperately" trying to lengthen the stay-over time together, driving his/her partner to feel suffocated. Eventually these incessant conflicts might lead to a separation.
Using "stay-over relationships" for your self-growth and self-empowerment
Whether you practice "stay-over relationships" out of free choice or because "everybody else does" (or you partner pushes you into it), and whether you perceive you are at an advantage or a disadvantage, it is imperative that you utilize this arrangement - while at it - to develop Self-Awareness and get a grip on what is essential for you in relationships.
Developing Self-Awareness enables you to:
* Deal with whichever personal issues you carry with you which might have withheld you from developing a truly successful relationship until now.
* Overcome the fears and needs that control you that might have led you to harm your relationships.
* Explore your attitudes about partners and relationships.
* Understand your belief system and perception about intimacy and mutual give & take.
Taking the time to develop your Self-Awareness empowers you to eventually find a partner with whom to develop a satisfying, long-term intimacy.
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