Relationship Skills: 3 Steps to Being a Chooser

One of the best relationship skills to learn is being the chooser.

Are you a single person who likes to take the initiative to go after what you want? Or are you a person who would rather play it safe and limit yourself to only what is front of you?

Many singles today struggle with being a chooser. Instead, they react to people and circumstances in their lives. Or they submissively let others make the choices.

Choosers know what they want and how to get it. Choosers take charge of their lives and are responsible for what happens. Being a chooser takes a certain amount of courage and confidence, but anyone can be one. Here are three steps to being a chooser:

Step 1: Be Aware that you have choices

You are never stuck! You always have choices, even if you don't know what your choices are. A chooser doesn't allow impulse or lack of information to result in poor choices.

Step 2: Identify your choices

You always assume there are more choices than you are aware of and you seek to identify a variety of the choices available to you. You are mindful that "you don't know what you don't know." You always seek productive choices and you don't settle for unproductive choices.

Step 3: Make productive choices

You use all the information available to you to make the best choice possible to achieve the outcome you desire. You evaluate a choice based upon the likely long-term consequences of that choice.

Choosers define their own styles, preferring, for example, to initiate or be receptive when meeting someone new on a date. Choosers know themselves well and have created a relationship plan for themselves and know which dating strategies work well for them. Choosers initiate contact with prospective dates.

We have freedom in our lives to be the chooser. For example, we can decide what kind of work we want to do, what kind of friends to make and what kind of prospective soul mate we want to have. In short, we have the power to ask "Who am I?" "What do I want in life and my relationship?" and "How do I want to show up in the world?"

Being the chooser means that you need to break free from your limiting beliefs and learn to take risks and go beyond your comfort level. Being a chooser is a mindset and a way of living. So I challenge you, be the chooser!