Can't Get a Date? What's The Problem?

Tired of the Single Life? Try These...

A few basic, fundamental problems are the most common causes of dating difficulties for most people.

No matter how young or old you are, if you're determined to have a significant other with whom you'd like to spend the rest of your life, you will succeed. You simply need to develop the right mindset and the most effective tactics. Yes, simply. It's really not as difficult as it might sound. Your new mantra: Don't waver, don't deviate and most of all, don't lose hope.

As for the overcoming the "problem", I've culled some tips.

Protecting - aka 'the attic

Protective -or, as I like to call it, the attic-behavior keeps you inside and away from what you truly desire: love. We hide inside the 'attic' when we're not ready to get out there and date. If you're ever going to find love, you must open the door and venture outside your attic. After all, you have no chance of meeting anyone other than mice and cockroaches in there. You can't love a roach.

Drop the Negative Self-Talk

You know all those voices telling you that you haven't got what it takes, you're not attractive enough, you're not marriage material, and so on? Get rid of them. That's negative self-dialogue, and it's destroying you. It's also turning you into a schizophrenic, and who in heaven's name wants to date a schizo? Okay, yes, Abraham Lincoln; let's find someone more stable for you. At any rate, knock off the negativity and start believing in yourself.

Extreme Pickiness

Dating is a process of selection. Being selective in your choices is a necessary and healthy part of finding love. Using caution in your screening process can weed out certain types who might not be good for you, like people who are dishonest, self-centered or wave other red flags. Setting some standards can help you narrow down your choices and increase your chances of succeeding at dating by understanding what traits-both tangible and intangible-are important to you. That's normal selectivity, i.e. pickiness.

In the case of the Extremely Picky Dater, I'm talking about an almost pathological level of sensitivity. These people who have laundry lists of requirements that others must have in order to be even considered potential dates. Because we live in a society where we are both demanding and use to getting instant information, we've become a bit impatient and closed off, sometimes to our own detriment. For instance, are you one of those people who decides within 30 minutes of a first date if you want a second or not. Wow, a half-hour? You've barely knocked out the first cocktail and finished an appetizer at that point. Seems a bit premature.

Too Chunky/Dumpy/Frumpy

I've had plenty of clients who were a hundred pounds overweight, but I've had many, many more who were only twenty to forty pounds overweight. Some haven't changed their hairstyle since the 80s or updated their wardrobes since the 90s. If you are a Chunky/Dumpy/Frumpy type you are having trouble with your appearance, which is causing you dating trouble.

Most of the time, this is easy to remedy. Get new clothes, visit the salon, hit the gym and commit to a healthier lifestyle. You'll be amazed how quickly it gets you off the couch and into the dating world.

Too Busy to Date

We all know people who are the Too Busy types. They usually have one really demanding job, or juggle two or three jobs. Sometimes they have over-packed social calendars or way too many hobbies. On the rare occasions that Too Busy is home, they're swamped with home projects that they insist are going to help them attract and keep the person of their dreams, aka the soul-mate they haven't met yet because they've had no time to go on any dates.

If you're a Too Busy type you think that finding love is the next piece in your life puzzle. To me, it's the only piece of your puzzle. Finding love isn't what you do in your spare time; it's what you commit yourself to doing all the time.

If you've made it this far reading this article, chances are you've identified with some things here, and you're ready tackle some issues and make finding love a priority. Devote as much of your time as possible making yourself confident, comfortable and ready to connect with people. Next time, we'll dig into the topic of where to find them. Until then, love yourself and know that love will find you.