7 billion of us on Earth, and yet so many people feel so alone. With more avenues than ever to connect with each other, quicker than ever before, many people find it harder than ever. We can Skype, twit and poke people on the other side of the globe. So far, yet so close. So close, yet so far. We can internet date, speed date, blind date... and still, so many people have no one to love.
If your search for love has left you knackered, feeling despondent and like there is something wrong with you, don't despair. There is someone out there for everyone. In fact, I believe there is more than one soul mate for each one of us.
They may be closer to you than you think; you may have already met them. But unless you meet the following criteria, your boats may pass each other in the night fog.
Because it's not just a matter of timing you know? You also must:
BE THE AFRICAN QUEEN, OR KING
From the moment we are born we are taught what is acceptable and what isn't in our society. We learn to behave in certain ways, to create the kind of impact we want to create in order to be accepted and be liked, and live a good life.
With the influence of media, educators, family, friends, and life experiences, sometimes we end up diluting who we really are so much that we lose ourselves, our essence, the real us; that "je ne sais quoi" that makes us so special.
Are you dreading the 14th of February? Maybe you are one of the many people out there wondering why it's so hard to find love; you've tried everything, and nothing has worked. You gave it your best shot, but Cupid's arrow's lost its strength and self belief.
Well you better pick yourself and the arrow up, and quickly, because in order to attract that special person you must let the special you shine out into the world; those unique qualities that you may have been stifling, ignoring, or denying over the years are the ones you need to relish, polish and reflect back out into the world in order to attract love into your life. You really need to let yourself be the African queen, or king, that you are and show that you...
LOVE YOURSELF, ACTUALLY
You may not think much of yourself; many of us don't. And this is a problem. In fact, this could be our biggest problem. Because if we don't think we are important, if we don't think we are precious, why would anyone else?
If you want to feel important and precious, you have to start to treat yourself like you want your future partner to treat you, preciously.
Start by becoming more aware of your unique physical and non-physical attributes. Take a good look in the mirror. What do you like about yourself?
It's not enough to say "well, I'm a nice person". Unless you're a criminal, you're bound to be. Dig in deeper, and think about compliments you get from people that you may have dismissed in the past. Take it all and polish it even more, treat yourself like you want to be treated, display to the world the very best version of yourself, and it won't go unnoticed!
GET THE NOTEBOOK OUT
Think about people you know who are in relationships. From the outside everything seems hunky-dory. Everyone seems to have found their soul mate... or not! So many people get into relationships not having done the necessary preliminary work. See, if you are not ready, you could end up attracting anyone. And do you want to attract just anyone, or the right one?
Just because someone is in a relationship it doesn't mean they are happy. If you want to make sure you up your chances of finding true and lasting love, first you have to be in the right frame of mind. It also helps when you know what kind of partner you want to attract into your life.
I'm not suggesting you write a shopping list. I'm saying, start to think about the attributes and qualities you are looking for. Write them down too, as this will allow you to easily spot them when they actually appear before you. Think about important values that must be met, things you could compromise on, and possible deal breakers. Allow knowing what you want and knowing that it is out there to boost your confidence in love.
DON'T FISH FOR GHOSTS
A lovely male client of mine read in a magazine that if he wanted to find the one he should get out there more and mingle. So he kept going to the same local pub every weekend hoping to meet different people. But he kept meeting a lot of the same people, who had nothing or not much in common with him. He didn't even enjoy going to the pub, he just thought that was what he should be doing.
So I asked him what he really enjoyed doing and he shyly said that he loved to dance and that he'd love to learn to Salsa, but that he once went to a class and it was full of women. There was a pause. We looked at each other and talked telepathically for a few seconds. He realised that was the perfect place to meet not only women, but a woman who shared his passion for Salsa.
Sometimes we are so caught up in our own heads that we miss the obvious: you have to quit fishing for ghosts and go fish where there's fish.
QUIT DIRTY DANCING
At the beginning of a relationship, during the dating or courting process, there can be a little bit of game playing.
Some people don't like this at all, "I'm not into games" they say, whilst others get carried away with the excitement of it all and survive on the adrenaline rushes the game provides. It's part of the magical process of falling in love. Some people like to play more than others, and some play and leave the game once they got what they wanted.
It's up to us to recognize the fair players from the con artists, and to make the best decisions for ourselves. It can be a period of uncertainty, amazing highs and heartbreaking lows, there can be fireworks, there can be ice... all you can do is quit dirty dancing, play fair and enjoy the ride!
WORK IT, OR IT'S GONE WITH THE WIND
Once we date someone for a certain amount of time and we are happy with them we tend to let go a little and get comfortable, sometimes a little too comfortable. The thing is, even when we find someone who we are very compatible with, that someone who feels just right, even then, we have to continue to work hard at the relationship.
This doesn't mean all relationships are hard work, but they do require work. Just like that flower pot on the window sill, your relationship will require constant love and attention. If you assume that it will continue to flourish on its own, prepare for disaster!
So, if you are going to get out there, put your best self forward, and do what you have do to find that special someone before Valentine's, make sure you work it, or they will be gone with the wind!
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