Everyone wants to know why do the good girls fall for the bad boys. The bigger question is why do some ladies find themselves unable to break free from an attraction to men of ill repute? Since this situation is more widespread than many realize, let's examine why this phenomenon occurs.
The classic bad boy became popular when it was captured in the movies and rap videos, starting as far back as the 1950's with actors like James Dean. Fast forward a few decades later to Marlon Brando and Al Pacino, who starred in those classic mafia movies, and then onto the 1990's where rappers and rock stars were being glorified as the ultimate 'thug' or bad boy. Music videos also helped to visually perpetuate the stereotype. Right now today just look at who society considers the most popular singers and actors (Eminem, P. Diddy, Chris Brown, Ashton Kutcher, Lil Wayne, etc.).
It begins with sex. Sex is a powerful, primal force. Current societal trends have created rules around sex. We've designated places we can have it and designated people we can have it with. While necessary, these rules give the impression that sex is a negative force. Sex is seen as something unbridled, a wild beast that needs to be tamed, something dangerous, something that represents excitement and a rush of adrenaline. We want to have it. Bad boys and thugs are very resistant to the law and they often challenge rules. This can read off to women that he is a man who is willing to be wild and primal, and to many of us, that's attractive and sexy. It becomes a challenge to us to want to tame the wild beast as we would like to believe that our own sex is so great that he will change or improve on his character just because it's you he's with.
Wrong!
The fallacy of this belief is that too many women trick themselves into believing that you can make this man improve on his character. You feel that despite the hurt and emotional anguish it's okay to hang on to the relationship because your sacrifice will encourage him to improve eventually. What's very unfortunate is that after months and sometimes years, what happens is that his abusive behavior has completely destroyed your self-esteem and has drained the life out of you.
In using myself as an example, after having my own dating experiences with a few bad boys in the past. I can assure to you that as the girlfriend, you are not by any means insulated from the consequences of his dishonesty, addictions, or immaturity. The bad boy types that I dated, although wild in bed, didn't have very much going on for themselves outside of that. We never truly established an emotional connection, so our courtship wasn't that interesting outside of the bedroom. These men always kept me waiting for something, gave lots of excuses as to why they couldn't hold onto a steady job, were temperamental, had no goals, and lied and cheated on me repeatedly.
In my lifetime, I have come across a lot of women who have shared similar experiences. Whenever these women would describe their past relationships with a "bad boy" they would tell me that the men were abusive in some form, had prior criminal records, and commitment issues. Thankfully none of these women were currently with those men. However, I had noticed that what appeared to attract these women to those men was the interest in dating a man who represented some form of heightened excitement that stands apart from the norm. Someone who wasn't the "nice" guy. I have virtually no fond memories about the relationships that I had with bad boys. Now that I'm much more wise and a bit older I am very happy that these relationships ended. I guess it was the thrill and curiosity that intrigued me. It was also my own lack of maturity in being able to see that I was a decent young lady dealing with men I had no business being around in the first place.
We had absolutely nothing in common and the reason these relationships failed was due to the fact that I was compromising my own sense of stability and goodness for small a taste of living on the wild side. There is a reason that our parents tell us to stay away from those types of "boys" when we're little girls.
Women want the ultimate catch, the guy who is going to treat us like a princess and love us deeply. This is not what bad boys and thugs do. The party may be fun for a while, but the thrill wears off very quickly as vain pleasure usually does. A bad boy is not interested in true love, because real love requires consistent sacrifice.
It's the nice guys who finish last believe it or not. Thank goodness the majority of us grow out of that phase and go on to choose more stable, hard-working, responsible men who are capable of becoming dependable breadwinners and good fathers. A bad boy is never someone you should reasonably hope to have a meaningful long-term relationship with.
Remember, you cannot spin gold from a pile of straw. Dating a guy with poor character, even if he pursues you, will still equal a poor relationship.
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