Have you ever felt like you should just settle for Mr. He'll-Do-For-Now? Would you be able to tell if you were indeed settling? Have your friends told you that you're too picky? Are you fearful that you might have to give up on your dreams because your biological clock is ticking and you're running out of options?
As you get older you will notice that you are dating more infrequently. Don't panic! This is totally natural. You're probably already aware that your tolerance for certain people, places and things has drastically changed in the last several years. Think about your tastes in food and wine. Even that has changed. Your palette has been refined. You seek out quality as opposed to quantity. Your time is valuable so your choices have to be made carefully.
The same goes for your choices in men. It's not your age that is holding you back, it's your experience - for better or worse.
Some women have created their wish lists or vision boards. Now, I'm not against this. I just believe that life happens when you're busy making plans so it's a good idea to be flexible. The worst thing you can do for yourself is look through GQ Magazine and paste the picture of your ideal guy to the board that hangs on your wall. Remember when you played with paper dolls as a child? They were fun but two-dimensional cut outs because that was all we could handle at that time. We weren't fully developed. Our young brains could only relate to pictures and images.
The problem with creating "love life" lists is this: They create a stagnant two-dimensional picture of your future and it locks you in. Some women have already decided who they're going to marry and what their life will look like. They MUST end up with that tall, gorgeous, light-eyed dream guy from their fantasy list/dream board. He'll have a full head of hair, and be a titan of industry in some cool, creative field. They'll buy a waterfront country home, and they'll spend half their time in the city, with their 2 children and their adorable dog (boy: Jackson; girl: Chase. Jack Russell: Pete).
Here's the catch. If these women don't find their 6' 3", blue-eyed dark-haired super cool titan, do they settle for less? Do they give up the dream? Yes and no. First of all, let's define the word SETTLE. Is it settling to grow up and realize that some of those things just aren't as important to you as they used to be?
Is it settling to end up with Hank, the not-so-gorgeous semi-balding guy who works in finance, but makes your skin tingle and your heart melt? Sure he's allergic to terriers, hates living in the city, but he has a heart of gold, treats you like a queen, shares your values and goals, makes you laugh and loves your mother. (AND you have amazing chemistry.)
Settling? I think not.
Settling is giving up on your goals, values and choosing a man that doesn't treat you well or isn't concerned about your emotional and physical well-being. Settling is choosing a man out of fear because you're so afraid something better doesn't exist because you're approaching 35 or 40 and Mr. Prince Charming hasn't arrived yet. Settling is forgetting your need for great sex and passion with your partner because you think you have to go without in order to find a stable man.
Rubbish!!
Take a good long look inside and ask yourself if you have a little girl fantasy list that is holding you back.
Take a risk. Choose to be open-minded. You can never be accused of being "too picky" if your heart and mind are aligned.
Be smart, be open, be vulnerable, be honest with yourself and make your choices from the abundant and willing part of your heart. Take all things superficial off the list and focus on what is key to a lasting and healthy relationship. Let go of the arbitrary limitations of your dream board and open yourself up to the three-dimensional adventure of life. If you do, you'll get more than you ever could have imagined.
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