Have you even wondered what attracts you to be close to those closest to you? What makes a close relationship close? Could the way we relate to others, in ways reveal something you deny about yourself?
Intimacy: To better establish the idea of intimacy, here are a few points to consider: Do you aspire to share the time not filled with obligation (your free time) with people you have to hide parts of yourself around? How about going out of your way with the intention of "fitting in" with those who have a set of core values you feel to be much different than your own? What special ingredient causes you to separate an acquaintance mentally, from someone you share the special intimacy that goes along with who you are with?
Personally, one of the attributes that attracts me to someone is the feeling that I can be myself and share the unfiltered version of what's on my mind and in my heart without feeling as though I have to somehow hold back. Situations where I feel being my natural self isn't the right thing to do for a variety of reasons don't appeal to me so much, despite life doling out it's fair share of those unpredictable situations on it's own terms.
There is intimacy in darkness... There's something special in feeling comfortable and safe enough with those close to you that you can share the true essence of who you are, how you think and what you feel. To me those qualities (and more) are some of the most important ingredients when it comes to intimacy. Whether it be with a co-worker, friend or lover, I personally feel the greatest amount of intimacy and closeness when I can be myself, completely.
That being said... what is it to "share completely?" What kind of intimacy does truly being yourself entail? While the idea of deep intimacy may bring forth all kinds of thoughts, desires and dreams, there's something that about deep intimacy easily overlooked:
Darkness. I don't think it's so hard to agree, we all have our own "individual" ideas of the world. To some extent, our ideas of how the world works make up the reality we live. It can be difficult when someone close to you doesn't "see it your way." Even with all the spirituality, personal development and various other practices many of us choose to bring into our lives with the intention of finding greater balance -- there is still part of just about every one of us that hurts. I won't even begin to get into all the reasons we can hurt, mentally, physically and emotionally - but pain (suffering) seems to be one of the many polarities that are part of this plane of existence.
Wouldn't it make sense then, that there's a certain intimacy in sharing your darkness (pain) and imperfections with those closest to you? I know this can be a tough thought, but couldn't you understand how a lover's sometimes harsh words are no less intimate than a moonlight kiss under a starlit sky? In this condition, living life, we're all here doing what we can. Think what you may, good, bad, lazy, motivated or whatever other polarity that comes to mind - that doesn't change the fact we're all here handling life.
Personally, I don't know how another person arrives at the point where they are now. I do know, however, in relationships there does seem to be a "positive" thinking way of thinking that creates an undercurrent that we are expected to be a certain way relating to others. Even though the idea that our relations should be positive and uplifting to experience the most happiness with the least amount of suffering might be in my head, it's still an idea.
Those I share the most intimacy with are often comfortable (on some levels) enough at a certain point in the relationship to allow the darker aspects of their personality shine through along with everything else. I know this to be the case personally as well. I think it's part of who we are. I just wonder what kind of world we would live in if we were to be more accepting of ourselves and the intimacy we all share with each other when suffering.
Would we be so quick to judge or condemn? Would we be in a hurry to make another wrong and end a relationship? Maybe. Then again, maybe we would be able to accept ourselves at even a greater level as a result of understanding the nature of suffering and the intimacy of sharing. We might forgive one another, love one another and love ourselves even more, if we could come to the understanding of exactly how much intimacy, we are, indeed, sharing in darkness.
Enjoy, Paul Bunting
No comments:
Post a Comment